Talking to Your Teen About Dating Violence (Especially This Summer)
Summer means more free time, more independence, and for a lot of teens…more time with friends and romantic partners. That also makes it a good time for parents and caregivers to check in and have some honest conversations about relationships, boundaries, and what dating violence actually looks like.
Keep It Real…
Dating violence isn’t just hitting. It can be emotional, verbal, controlling, or even digital- like someone demanding passwords, checking phones, or blowing up their messages if they don’t respond right away. Teens don’t always recognize these as red flags, especially if it’s happening to their friends too.
Know the Red Flags…
At Elizabeth’s Village, we talk with teens about the common signs of an unhealthy relationship. These include:
- Intensity – rushing the relationship or overwhelming attention
- Jealousy – possessiveness or suspicion without cause
- Manipulation – guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or using fear to control
- Isolation – cutting someone off from friends and family
- Sabotage – interfering with goals, school, or other relationships
- Belittling – insults, put-downs, or making someone feel worthless
- Guilting – making someone feel bad for setting boundaries
- Volatility – unpredictable moods or explosive reactions
- Deflecting Responsibility – blaming others for their behavior
- Betrayal – dishonesty, cheating, or breaking trust
These signs can show up slowly and may not seem like a big deal at first. But they often escalate.
Don’t Skip the Digital Stuff…
A lot of abuse among teens happens through phones and social media. This can include constant texting, controlling what someone posts, or pressuring them to send private photos. We’ve heard from local schools and parents that the issue of “nudes” is getting worse every year- whether it’s pressure to send them, sharing without consent, or using them to manipulate or threaten.
It’s not easy to talk about, but your teen needs to know:
- IT’S OKAY TO SAY NO!
- It’s not their fault if someone crosses a line
- They have the right to privacy and respect
- And-this is important-sharing or even asking for explicit images can lead to criminal charges, even if both people are under 18
It might feel awkward to bring up, but helping your teen understand the risks now could protect them from serious consequences later. And if something has already happened, it’s not too late to get support.
Make Space for the Conversation…
Ask your teen what they think makes a healthy or unhealthy relationship. Don’t come in with all the answers-just start the conversation. Being a safe adult to talk to is more important than getting it all “right.”
Let Them Know They’re Not Alone…
If something feels off, they should know there’s help. At Elizabeth’s Village, we support survivors of domestic and dating violence-including teens.
Want to Take It a Step Further?
Elizabeth’s Village offers an interactive simulation called In Her Shoes that walks participants through the experience of navigating a toxic relationship. We also have a teen-focused version we can set up, thanks to a partnership with our local police department.
If you work with teens-in a school, church, camp, or youth group-and want us to bring the simulation to your space, contact us at info@elizabethsvillage.org
You’re Doing a Great Job!
These conversations aren’t easy, but they matter-and just showing up makes a difference. Your teen doesn’t need you to be perfect. They just need you to care, to listen, and to keep the door open. We’re cheering you on.
-Shellie Foy, Program Developer
